This social group weeds out 'flakes,' the fickle By Seetha Narayan, Globe Correspondent  |  November 13, 2006 Joy Falk, 28, needed a social life. She was just out of Wellesley College and starting a career in healthcare, and most of her college friends had moved, she said. "I saw people my age, but there didn't seem a way to get talking." She Web-surfed her way to a solution. A Meet-up Boston website had a New to Boston group, but Falk's first meeting, at a bar, had just two people: Falk and another woman, who left. Then someone on the Meetup message boards recommended another social group, Boston Linkup , for its well-attended events. Members posted plans online and specified guest counts. Those interested sent RSVPs, people got together, and social chemistry ensued, or didn't. A year later, Falk is an active member. At a gathering of 10 people digging into a sushi brunch at Minado restaurant in Natick, she chatted and joked with companions. Some reminisced about skydiving trips, volunteer projects, and craft circles. Others were meeting for the first time, and conversed on subjects as varied as Israeli culture and tea ceremonies. The ambience was cordial. Later, at Broomstones Curling Club in Wayland, the group -- most of whom were in their late 20s to late 30s -- got silly, furiously sweeping an ice floor with brooms while coaches bellowed and someone occasionally took a spectacular fall. The afternoon ended with hot chocolate or beer in the foyer, with four people playing crokinole . "It brings out my extroverted side," Falk said of Boston Linkup. "You're guaranteed that people want to meet you. For me, that removes a barrier." Linkup began in 2003 in the San Francisco Bay Area when founder Firinn Taisdeal , 50, created a website to set up social events. He was inspired in part by the Howard Dean campaign's use of the Internet to promote face-to-face interaction, and its egalitarian spirit in allowing anyone to create events. He also observed the workings of Meetup.com, a Web-based social group used by the Dean campaign to organize larger gatherings and now has a nationwide presence. But whileMeetup members must join interest- or hobby-based groups with whom to meet, Linkup members can sign up for any social event posted on the website. And while Meetup offers "Maybe" as an RSVP option, Linkup does not: People either sign up for events or don't, making the expected guest count a sure thing for hosts. Linkup initially faced the same problem as Meetup: People who sent affirmative RSVPs didn't always show up at events, and this lowered morale. So, with some trepidation, Taisdeal created Linkup's marquee feature: software to track whether people keep their social commitments. It notes last-minute RSVP cancellations, asks hosts about who showed up at events and who didn't, generates "reliability ratings" for members, and visits consequences, like social exclusion, on the fickle. It worked: People showed up more frequently , hosted better events, and the group thrived. As Taisdeal expanded his website to create Linkup groups in other cities, he fine-tuned the software to detect "icky behaviors" including fake profiles, spamming, and online sexual harassment. "It's been through at least eight iterations," he said. Now the website greets would-be applicants with long expositions on accountability, integrity, and ethics. They sound ponderous -- especially compared to the websites of social groups such as Meet-up, Meetin , and My People Connection -- but turning some off seems part of the intent. Taisdeal is comfortable with the fact that half the people who begin applications don't complete them. He rejects 20 percent of completed applications, and boots out members who prove to be "flakes." "This is really about integrity and being respectful of other people. There's not that much else that makes it different [from other social groups]," Taisdeal said. "Once people have confidence in other people, imagination and initiative come into play." Boston Linkup events do seem more creative than those of other social groups, though members have mixed feelings about its strictness. Some regard it as overblown, unforgiving, and paternalistic, but they acknowledge that it works, helps people feel safe, and keeps hosts and guests responsible. "Maybe, as human beings, we need to be nudged," said Andrea Paulson, 46, a scientist who joined Linkup in February. On a Saturday morning in October, Paulson was one of nine Linkup members -- six women and three men -- in their late 20s to mid-40s walking along the Charles River from Watertown Square to Waltham. People walked in twos and threes, seeming ly invigorated by the scenery and fresh air, before arriving at Taqueria Mexico for lunch. "I don't know whether it's the tone of the website, but the people I meet on Linkup always seem well educated or well read, and can have interesting conversations," Paulson said. "I absolutely loved today's walk." Jesse Cheng, 39, host of the sushi and curling event, also belongs to another social group, Meetin, and says the groups attract different crowds. "Linkup has more cultural events -- movies, book clubs, museum visits. In Meetin, there are more happy hours," he said. "Meetin is more informal. In Linkup, people are more proper." Boston Linkup members, numbering 1,700, are mostly in their 30s and 40s, with ages ranging from 18 to 70. About 40 percent are men, and 30 percent are married. Membership everywhere is free except in the Bay Area, where a $4.95 monthly fee funds Taisdeal and his employee. But why do people join? Don't they have friends? Can't they make friends on their own? Megan Heister, 30, a development officer at a hospital, wondered that , too. "I had no qualms about meeting people online for dating but worried about meeting people for friendships: seeming desperate, meeting people who were desperate," she said. "I wasn't sure whether people would have social skills." But she and her friends had different schedules, so she tried Boston Linkup. At a 30- something ladies dinner at Cuchi Cuchi restaurant in Cambridge, her fears had evaporated. The five women at the table seemed smart, funny , and articulate. Conversation ranged from the state of medicine, teaching, and apartment hunting to Alfred Hitchcock and horror films, sprinkled with exclamations about the decor , drinks, and food. After a pleasant time, the women warmly thanked the organizer, walked a few blocks together, and parted. They didn't exchange numbers. Did the shared evening not herald beautiful friendships then? "I'm finding activity partners, going to events and having conversations," Heister said. "If friendship forms beyond that, great." Heister and Falk have developed friendships with people they clicked with over a few encounters. Falk took a trip to Toronto with one friend, and remains close with another, who moved. Heister has met people she would want at her wedding. Some are content with just camaraderie. David Lahaise, 34, a resolution representative at Staples who lives in Shrewsbury, joined after he survived a health crisis but his engagement to his fiancee did not. As for friends, "I haven't really been looking," said Lahaise, whose closest buddy lives in East Bridgewater. "I'm usually shy and quiet," he said. "Linkup brought me out in the world. It brings out the good inside me." © 2007 The New York Times Company